Rainbow after Storm

It is not a secret that I’ve been openly dating since I became single again. Honestly, I dated right away after I broke up with my ex. For some, I think they would judge me for that (some might already have).

I don’t believe in 3 months rule or that there is a certain timing for love and relationships, as well as with moving on. Timing is subjective. When you are ready, you are ready.

I think the reason I moved on easily is because it was my choice. I was the one who called it off. People know how patient I really am. I don’t make abrupt decisions when it comes to relationships. I don’t give up easily. Me calling it off was not an overnight decision, I had series of almost sleepless nights. That I think made it easier for me to move on, I was fully decided when I did it. It wasn’t an easy decision to make but it was the best for both of us.

Being single means being back in the market. Meeting new people and starting from scratch all over again. Dating nowadays is so not easy, especially that everything is just so convenient like you are just shopping online. I signed up on Tinder. Yes, you judgmental people. T-I-N-D-E-R. I’m candid when I tell people that I’m using the app. For some, it is just a hook up app. However, I believe that it still depends on you on how you will handle the conversation.

Honestly, I signed up for tinder not to look for dates. I just love meeting people and learn from them especially if they are good at something. It just so happens that sometimes, it leads to actually dating the person.

I went out with some people from Tinder. Like in actual dates. However, they didn’t last long. Tinder is like an online shopping of potential dates. You may have chemistry with a person but expect people to just come and go; since it is easier for you to be replaced by someone they think is “better” for them.

I dated quite a few people there. However, there seemed to be like a pattern or a cycle. You will become a match then you’ll start talking. Then, you’ll meet up and enjoy your time together. Until you decide to meet up more often, then you’ll start going out. Then everything will be almost perfect until one will just start being cold or distant. Til you become like strangers, again.

Last person I dated from Tinder was different. He is so toxic. At first, I found it so challenging that he reminds me of the bad boy protagonists in the movies. I was blinded by the idea of being able to turn him into someone soft and capable of having real emotions. But after some time, it was like being with him suffocates me already. He is the complete image of a toxic manipulative person. It was a love-hate relationship.

We were really not in a relationship. The setup was like, I couldn’t date anyone else aside him but he can date as many as he wants–because he is a “guy”. Double standard at its finest.

He would always demand things that if you refuse to do them, he will start cursing and dissing you. Our setup was like 80% of fighting and shouting at each other. He went to Europe for vacation for more than a month; that is how things started to fall apart. Demanding person he is, everything got so irritating already that I decided to start detaching myself. I decided that it is better to be alone than be with them. I tried to regain myself back. Then at the most unexpected time, I met John.

Actually John has always been around. I was just too focused on someone else that it took us 3 months of intermittent exchange of messages before we finally met up.

John is like the total opposite of the guy I last dated. I never feel being pressured by him. Everything is like so chill and perfect. He inspires me to do the things that are good for me. He makes me breathe again and with that I enjoy having him around. And yes, I am exclusive to him right now.

I won’t say it is a rebound relationship. I say John revived me from all the suffocation. He makes me feel that relationships are not meant to be toxic but something to enjoy and inspire you. 

Indeed the calm after chaos. The lotus. The rainbow after the storm. 

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