Dear John

Funny how when you search for things, you don’t find them; and when you stopped searching, you would suddenly bump into them.

Dear John, when I met you I was totally unsteady. I came from a rocky situation and a very toxic relationship–the worst I ever had. I was hurt and really burned. We matched around January or February this year. You invited me a couple of times for coffee, which never happened until May.

You said I played really hard to get. The truth is, I didn’t see you as someone I’ll be having a relationship with. One of the things I look for in a person to consider him a partner material is consistency. You weren’t consistent. You just pop out whenever you’d be wanting to then you’d be gone again after. Well perhaps you were just too busy or maybe you were unsure about me as well.

Then we finally decided to meet up. Just when I finally agreed to meet up with you, you stood me up. You didn’t message me the whole day. Yes, I waited but decided not to message you too. Recently you said it was a test for me, for you to see if I was really interested. When I messaged you the next day, “What happened to our coffee yesterday?”; that made you think that “Yeah, maybe she is interested too”. So we rescheduled the following week.

The following week came, something suddenly came up. It was my sister’s graduation day and I had to put some make up on her and stuff. I was almost an hour late to our meeting time. I even thought of cancelling it if only you haven’t said that you were already in Century mall–where we are supposed to meet up.

I called, “I’m here. Where are you?”

“I am just walking around. I am going down the escalator.”

Then when I looked to my left I saw your face and your smile so wide. Right there and then, I knew you’re gonna be someone special. First thing that came into my mind?

“Oh my God. he’s so gwapo (Handsome)”.

We had Japanese lunch. We ordered 3 sets of makis! I love Japanese food and you do too. Then I asked if you want to grab coffee after. Yes, I was the one who invited because I wanted to spend longer time with you. Then we called it a day, yet before we separated you asked if we can meet again the following weekend. Since then, we’ve been hanging out every weekend already.

Over lunch of our first meet up, we talked about your contract here in the Philippines. You said that you have a 2 years contract but you can renew it. I asked it because I was trying to manage my expectations. If I should invest feelings with you if you’re just going to leave soon.

After couple of times of us spending time together, we never really talked about your plans again. However whenever people would ask you until when your contract is gonna be, you always firmly answer “until May 2018”. No “..But I can renew” nor “I am considering if I would renew”. You’ve always been firm with your answers and it is alright.

When you were about to go back to the US (and when you were there) for your holiday, I saw the excitement in your eyes. I saw how much you missed your family. I know how close you are to your family and how much you love them. And I want you to be happy so I tried to erase the feeling of disappointment in my heart. I just said to myself, Whatever your decision may be, I am just here to support you.

I talked about it with my other close friends. One even asked, ” Why did you dive in when you are unsure if he’s gonna stay or not?” I just answered, “Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is that he makes me happy. That I am happy with him. So come what may. If this won’t work out, at least I’d been happy and followed my heart”.

At first, your contract made me feel threatened. Like our relationship was diagnosed with an incurable disease and we only have few months to survive. But I choose to stay positive, just like other patients who only have few months to live–I decide to be optimistic. I don’t know what the future holds for us, I’ll just cherish every moment with you and make every minute count. I didn’t know you will be this special to me. I didn’t plan to, but I know that I do plan to stay.

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